He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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