he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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