He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
