First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
