You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
