theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
birth control should be required to get into college
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
