She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When are your genitals available?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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