I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This is my gift to your gina
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
