I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
