They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
