i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
