i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
