Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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