your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
