would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
