shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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