A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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