I saw his package. It spoke to me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
