I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
