Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
