i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
