They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
