I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
