I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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