The maid of honor just puked.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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