I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
