I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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