The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
