He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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