you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
