I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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