Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
