in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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