I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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