glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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