I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
