Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
