Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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