Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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