my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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