In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize