go do what you do best...puke behind churches
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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