you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize