We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
