Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
