Moan for me like Helen Keller
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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