Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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