One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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