I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
