party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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