I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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