sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
