fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
