He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My balls are so social today.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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