I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
