wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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