Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
