Having a random hookup so left but love u
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
