I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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