Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
