You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
