I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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