btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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