just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
